Fool

I'm feeling like a fool. Yes that fool, when you try to know the truth and when you've found it the truth is the one that hurts you so bad. I'm sad, i'm hurt but, half of my heart's relieved.
Let me hold you 
For the last time 
It's the last chance to feel again 
But you broke me 
Now I can't feel anything 

When I love you, 
It's so untrue 
I can't even convince myself 
When I'm speaking, 
It's the voice of someone else 

Oh it tears me up 
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much 
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay 

You can't play on broken strings 
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel 
I can't tell you something that ain't real 
Oh the truth hurts and lies worse 
How can I give anymore 
When I love you a little less than before 
Broken Strings-James Morrison

Whatever we've been through, your smile when you're looking at my scrapbook for you. When you wear that grey sweater and stay beside me. When I whisper jokes and you laugh, all those sacrifices for you, those waits. The hopes, of you having feelings to me. It should be waste away from now on.

If only I didn't care about you. IF ONLY I didn't ask what's wrong with you. If only I didnt ask, whom you love.

I: Jahaaaaaat, ga boleh suka sama cewe laaiiiiin. :(
R: Udah terlanjur suka. Gimana atuh?
I: Suka sama siapa atuh? P? T? M? Y? Y kan udah punya pacar? Atau U? Suka sama siapaaa? :(((
R: siapa yaaa? Kepo.
I: care tau! Suka sama temen sekelas ya? Pasti gara2 maen ke villa itu ya? :(
R: Iya, ngga ko udah lama.

You know what? I think I was like a donkey, or maybe I am.. It's not gonna change my feelings for you. It will always be the same. I love you, I still and will always be. It is not the first time you hurt me but still i cant deny that it hurts me. Why? Because of what we've been through last days, weeks and months.I'm sorry it was all my fault. I'm sorry. Maybe I should be back to the girl who miserably love you while you dont even care and see. Not being the one who use to hang out with you, who hold your hands when watching a movie. It was all my fault.

Sometimes I'm just confused. Why God keep this feeling for you very well in my heart? What does He want? What fate will He faces me with? Why???? Why should I love you this much?

Late, Happy birthday Mate. From your secret lover.

Hard

I found it hard not to post about you. So here I am. Posting for you, again.

Read only, I know. 50% of my messages for you always end up with read only. But doesnt mean i'm not hurt. I'm hurt okay? If only you would CARE. But you dont love me, do you? Not even a super tiny lil bit. That's what hurt most. But there's nothing I can say. I cant be angry.

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day
Broken Hearted Girl Beyonce

Cause right now i'm tired. And i need your cold "dont cry. I miss you. And it's right what Mr. Y said. When you didnt reply my messages, it makes me miss you more, want to see you more, not making me angry or mad. I just believe that you're the one that strong enough to be relied on when I'm down. But unfortunatelly you dont want to. And all I can do is only be patient. I miss you like a damn hell right now but there's nothing I can do.

When you not-officialy say goodbye, It's like I'm watching sunset. Cause I believe you'll be back. I just have to be patient.

Be back soon, Mate. I miss my halfsoul. I'm dying to make you see I need you here right now. I need your personality. I need your tickle, your smile, your big nose and your super big round eyes.

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of a winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best

What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay
Thinking of You Katy Perry

Now it was only just a dream

You got me counting the seconds
It happens every time
I'm waiting for the moment
we can sit down and talk for a while
And every time that you're near me
my heart is running away
How can I tell you when words don't come easy
and there is so much I'm trying to say

I wanna know that love will surround us
and you'll share it with me every day
Tell me you'll care for me now and forever
I'll give anything to hear you say
that I'm more than a friend

I'm gonna try in the future
not to live in the past
I guess that I was a dreamer
if I thought it could ever last
But every time that I see you
you bring me out in the sun
How can I hide it when we are together
I just know that you're the only one

I wanna make you see
everything you are to me
Try to understand
I wonder if you can
The love I have for you
will always be true

- More Than a Friend MLTR

The Last

Dont worry Dear, I promise I wont cry. I will post this with a very true smile and heart. :)

I was half joking, when I text you and said, "can we go out at this afternoon?"
You didnt text me back at that time. But when I was working on my try out you text me? "go out where?" i said up to you, movies maybe?
And you said that you didnt want to. I wasnt hoping much and i just said that i want to take my hairclip but then you said. "lets go to the movies." i was so hyped. Then you picked me up at my friend house. We watched This Means War, a romantic, action, comedy film. You were so happy, laugh out loud. We bought cute candies and I'm so happy to see you smile. :)
We did a lot of fun, yeah we went home at 4 pm but I can get in to my house because no one was there. So we sit at the car and talk much. We talked about our past.

I: dont you love someone right now?
R: Nope. I dnt know but i feel like cold. Flat. And nothing's working out my heart
I: not even a super tiny little bit feelings?
R: No

I was hurt, but I dont know why i'm still smiling. At least now I know. You dont have feelings for me. At least i wont expect anything more from you.

R: I feel happier being single. In a relationship means you're tied. But When you're single, you can be close with everyone.
I: one day you'll understand, when you finally love a girl, you dont want her to be close with someone else

I tickled you because you were so anmoying and you tickle me back. I love when we get close. felt like you half-hug me. And the way you put your head on my arms, the way you feel comfort when i cuddle you like a cat. :)
But then I see, you dont love me anyway. But I'm still happy. Even when I decide this is the last time I get close to you, the last post I will wrote for you, i still feel the love. And I'm fine. Totally fine. Thank you. That's the only thing that I can say.

I: i believe, lots of girls like you. But the one who really care? I dont know.
R: you're right, i think i'm going to tweet that!

I'm the one who really care, have and will always been. but now on i decide to take care of you from the far sight. :)

Good qoutes from the film,

"Is it possible to love 2 men equally?"
"To love? Yes. But to be in love? No. Dont go with the better guy, go with the one that makes you better"
I know I should choose, and i think i have chosen.
Thanks for the super hype beautiful days. I love you MRB

The Priority of My Heart

Happy Valentine my ex
What do you think you tweet?!?! Why it had to be 'ex' not 'exes'? It keeps me wondering whom it is for. :(
Like you're the only ex he has, Nga said Ms. S
I know, that's why i was confused. I shouldnt be so confident, hoping it was me. But it's true, I cant stop thinking about it. And the desire to post something about Mr. C gone in a second. Because it always has been you. The priority of my heart.
I text you twice and it all end with read only. I know I should accept that. But know what's right to do doesnt mean we can do it, does it?
And then the next day you text me. What a surprise? You ask for your shirt. Half of my heart say yes so I can meet you. But the other side say i should try to keep the t-shirt.

Now nothing feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choo’s
Taking them off ‘cause I feel a fool
Trying to dress up when I’m missing you

I'ma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on
(I’m all by myself with)
With nothing but your t-shirt on,
-T-Shirt Shontelle

Then I decided to say yes. So you came over, and then we went to places just searching my shampoo. And because my hard struggle finally we didnt get the shampoo, but we did photobox!! My dream came true. Thank you Love. :)
I told you things that I feel about those hurt feelings. Even though you didnt say something, i just felt better. The best part of that day is,
"Kamu tau ngga ada yang protes sama dp kamu?"
"Siapa gitu? Si ____? emg dia gimana?"
"ya gitulah ngtweet *PIIIIIIP*. ya lagian emang cewe nya ganjen sih ke kamu apaan nyender2."
"ehh. Cewe gue itu."
And then I was super shocked. I kept asking if it's true. But you stood still. And then I was suddenly sad, stop talking and not responding your jokes. And you said.
"pasti jadi galau ya? Ngga atuh bukan, ga punya pacar da."
Oh shit maaaaaan. You played me. T-T
And all I said was,
"Ngga ko, sebenernya ga galau. Mau kamu punya pacar seratus juga ga akan ngubah apapun."

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
'Cause I put to much energy in him and me
Can't wait till I get through this phase 'cause it's killing me
Too bad we can't rewrite our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How do we reverse the chemistry?
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy, energy, my energy
Taking all of my energy, energy, my energy
Taking all of my energy

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you were with me
How could two be as one then become so divided now?
There's no use hiding from misery, no
-Energy Keri Hilson
I love you. Thanks for everything. Hope to see you soon. :)