Thanks for having me at your house for the second time. Second time? When was the first time? The first time was when you texted me "where are you?" for the first time. Only just with those words I ran as fast as I could and come to you. You had to stay alone at your house that time because your maid went home and you need somebody to accompanying you. We were planning to go karaoke when I felt it's too late to do it and I need to be home at 10. So we stay, at your house, just the two of us. We talk about things, having conversation about your life. When I asked "Has your girlfriend been here?" and you said no. I was like, "wow, It's good to be the first" we stay at your bedroom. You were playing songs with your guitar and I sing along. I sneaked into your closet to see what clothes you've had while thingking what I should buy for your birthday. You were panicked not realizing that your house electrical power is empty and you need to buy it but you dont know how. So we went to the nearest minimarket and buy it. Done checking all the windows and the door if it's locked, I went home with a lot of things happening at my head. I was so happy. Happy about how you call me when you need someone. Happy for taking a good care of you. You dont know how much I love it when I see you smile, comfortable, and being cared of. The way you smile and say thank you when I bring you lunch when you were really busy preparing your school's bazaar is enough to pay all the pain you've made me.
After that all I can think is preparing for your birthday. Pouring all my effort to make the best present, not sleeping and make the video, not eating to save money, went here and there to got your friends's wishes, it was fun. Because I imagine how happy you'd be when you recieve it. At the day came. We can meet at 25 march because you met with your girlfriend. The next day you told me to come to your house so I came. And you were so happy when you saw you presents. You said "thank you so much, i dont know what to say" while brightly smiling and melt my heart away. :) after that we had lunch together and talk.
I: you can date whoever you want now. But come to me when you've decided to get married.
You laugh......
R: why?
I: because if we date now,,,
R: wont happen
I: lets just say IF we date now. We might fail again, and I'm afraid you'd hurt me or I'd hurt you. I'm afraid my love for you will be gone while this feeling is the only feeling I believe will always be with me forever.
R: but isn't it will hurt more if I marry you and then hurt you?
I: well, i thought marriage would be different
R: why dont you date another guy?
I: why? Do I bothered you that much? You dont like me that much?
R: It's not that. It's just....... I dont want to see you waiting for uncertainty.
I: there's nothing certain happen. And I'm not waiting for you though. I would date a man when I find one. It's just there's no one right now. I'm just fine. Didnt I say I wont date you even if you ask me now. Why dont you just try making me lose my feeling for you?
R: how?
I: why dont you try to date me and break my heart?
R: eey... You just want me to date you huh?
I: hahahaha you got me. =))
I was laughing when we talk. Looking fine but I thought that you were trying to push me away. I was sad, hurt. But half of my head say it's just you, seing how hard I tried and feel that I deserve more than you. You were testing me whether if I wouldmsay yesnor no when you say you want to smoke. And I said sure you can. Dont you believe that I would accept you all the way you are? You shared about how you became a candidate of the leader for next year bazaar, and how you choose not to be and handle the other important part because you know they'll needed you there more than just be the leader. I love it when you tell me things about you and asked my opinion. But now you dont even respone to my message. Read only. Even the one that saying a cheer for your biggest happening event, PSP. You didnt even say thanks. But, yeah. What else can I do? Maybe that's because you're just having your first anniversary with your girlfriend. Congratulation. :) wish nothing but the best for you. Even if it's realy realy hurt me so much :') maybe I need to walk away now. Waiting for the day to come, when all my hardworks paid.
"I'd save the best (you) for the last, Mr. B :)"
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